I don't have much time

I don't have much time.

The world spins awful fast these days.

Sometimes, I worry I won't be able to keep up.

I worry that I'll get lost amidst the swirling bits of atmosphere.

Is there a way to slow this all down?

A great big pause button somewhere, why can't i find it?

I'm holding on with all of my might when I realize the key isn't in holding it back

It's in letting go, it's the free falling motion. Energy. Light. Movement.

you can't hold back the wind.

There isn't a dark great enough to keep a light from shinning.

So give in and let go.

Move and be free.

Find peace in the moment.

Love is now.

Yesterday. Gone. Forever but a memory.

Tomorrow is uncertain, undecided, but a hope.

Here is motion, is feeling, is energy.

This is life, but a thought, a perfect expression.

Waves like a spring pouring out of the heart of life.

The heart of life will not be bound by the chains of time

It is remembered by yesterday, loved by now, and hoped for by tomorrow.

I have not time, for I am of life.

And as these chains fall down and life pours forth I realize that death is but a choice.

There is no up nor down.

All is but an allusion, an allusion of choice.

So opt with freedom.

So long time. I just let go.

Are we there yet?

It's been 6,751 days.

So it's safe to say that I've been waiting for around 6,000 days.

Do you know just how long that is? The past few hundred have been the worst,

the most intense.

At times I thought I found you.

And I learned just how very very wrong I was.

Well I don't know, I may have seen you before, you might be one of my friends, but I haven't found you yet.

And speaking of the finding, can you be the one who does that please?

Come on, it's your job, I'm just gonna sit pretty and wait till you come along, so if you want me, come and find me.

I keep thinking I'm ready, I keep feeling impatient.

I've come to realize that I'm not ready.

I will never be fully ready, but are we ever entirely ready for something?

And if we are going to be ready for something, what should it be?

Well-what's the most important thing in life...

I'm sorry to say-No, it's not you ;) haha

It's the unthinkable.

What happens when we kick it-where you going?

Cause you don't know that day, you don't know how, you don't know why.

(Excuse me to all of you who have been told the day or have magical powers-didn't mean to offend)

Knowing this, is pretty darn important. And if you know what I do about where I'm going, you'll be pretty amazed.

So amazed that you'll see that all else (even you!) doesn't really matter. In fact, I think I could go my whole life without you, just having that hope of someday being made truly whole, being with the one who loves me more than I could ever imagine.

Knowing that I will see Him face to face, talk with Him, see the look of love in His eyes.

It's beyond words.

That's what I'm waiting for

That's where my hope lies.

I mean, you would be cool, but I can wait...what's a few more hundred days, eh?

Thank You

I've been trying to write this for over 8 years.

Time and time again I would set my pen to paper and try to write it out, time and time again it would never be good enough.

Crinkled up papers, throw away.

I could never find the right set of words.

Today, I realized something. There aren't words.

All I have is a smile. That is the best way to capture it.

When I think of all that you have done for me, of all the hardship you put up with. Of all the ridicule, the mockery, of how much you have been taken for granted.

And how time and time again, you took it all with a simple smile of grace.

A smile is all I can offer you.

But know that it is a true smile. It comes from my heart. It's something that I cant stop, because I know that it is true, I know that your honesty is real.

I have been blessed so much more than I deserve, you are one of my greatest blessings.

I wish somehow that I could repay you, but in these 8 years I have learned that there is not word or deed to even come close to what you have given.

In these 8 years, I have learned that all I can give is a heart of gratitude, expressed in a smile.

Thank you.

Why?

Why

When my heart is torn.

Beaten

Bruised

Hurt and lost

You find me.

You love me.

Why?

I didn't listen.

I chose to turn away.

And you stay by my side.

You know everything

And now you see my tears of shame

Why?

You are still hear, You wipe away my tears

Take away all my fears.

I am so undeserving-

Of all but annihilation from You

Yet all you do is call me

Open arms

You love me

Why?

Perhaps

"Don't judge a book by it's cover."
We have all certainly heard this phrase, and have mostly likely admonished someone with it. But what exactly does it mean? "By it's cover," which in referring to a person would be the outward appearance, but does it go further? We can't judge by the cover, but as soon as we open it up, we are suddenly allowed to judge to our hearts desire? No. Do you give the book time, maybe get past the first pages and then make your judgement? When can you trust it? The first pages? First chapters? When will you know the full story? Well, perhaps once you've read till the end. For only then can you have it's full effect. Am I not right? And then if we are to apply this principle to people, how should we change in our judgement? Judgment is a hard word; to assess and make a lasting opinion of someone. Perhaps there is more than the cover, that than the first chapters, perhaps we will strive and wait, for the full story.

Break through

Humbly offer myself.

Totally submission.

To the point of saying I love you, even if I don’t feel it back.

I know one day I will.

God, please break through.

But if you don’t, my life is yours. Nothing, not even you can change it.

You’re hitched, if that makes any sense. Stuck with me. Like that annoying kid who loved Dad and would not leave him alone. Three days of non-stop following Dad around until it was painfully obvious that Dad was thoroughly fed up.

I’ll be your shadow.

I’ll be your annoying little devotee.

I’ll be your love. I’ll be your child.

I’ll be reduced to that.

And what’s more, I’ll love it.

God, I don’t know if this has happened to you before-but you are royally threatened!

Hah!

But you know what?

I can you your smile.

I can feel it inside me. Like a loving Dad. You gave me my sense of humor. It’s yours too. And I know you love it. I know you love me. Everything about me. You planned it all. The great the small.

I’m so yours.

Help me, on this earth.

God, sometimes I get so frustrated. SO ready to give up, or worse give in.

But you know what? If you can’t beat HIM—join HIM!!

You’re the way. You are the only truth.

So I’m with you.

How much more.

How.

How do I tell you how much I care?

How can I explain what`s going on inside?

How do I put love into words and convince you of it?

Can I even?

And what`s more, how do I convince you that if I can love you this much,

How much more the love for you than love itself?

Won`t you open your eyes and see?

Open your ears and hear?

Open your heart and feel?

It`s there. He`s there.

It has come to a point where I can`t say I know how you feel.

I may have an idea, but it breaks my heart to imagine it, so I can`t.

When I do, my eyes fill with tears and I ask God, why? Why are you doing this to them?

How can you be letting this happen?

And as my heart is breaking and the pain is swelling. I realize...

It`s because I love you.

And how much more the love for you than that of Love Himself?

How much more is His heart breaking? Are His eyes crying?

I can`t imagine. But in my love I`m allowed to feel a bit of it, of Him.

Won`t you open your eyes and see? Open your heart and feel?

Open your soul and know.

Love.