Monday, November 23, 2009


I can't write.

My head is spinning and nothing I say seems to make sense.

So maybe I'll shut up. Take everything in and just watch the world around me for a while.

Life is good, too good to be true for this earth. And I wonder why, as I watch this all unfold, I'm afraid that something is lurking around the corner because how much longer can this high last?

But you know what? Whatever it is, I don't even care, if I have the God who created the universe, who says that 10 thousand on our right side and somewhere around that number on the left-yet He will still be right there beside us.

He is the one calling the shots. It's not because of us, there is nothing we can accomplish without Him. Even breathing.

Have you ever thought about that? You are always breathing, why? What makes that happen? What keeps your heart beating?

Don't even try to tell me it just happens for no reason.

There's a reason, for love. We are so loved, it's just ridiculous.

Ok lets really think here for a second. Why in the world are we here?

Now I want you to think of someone you really, really love, someone you would do anything for, even to the point of death.

Is not that love a reason? Doesn't it make sense, that you could be here for that other person, to love and protect them?

Think of all the times you really love someone, and I'm of course talking about true selfless (non-soap opera) kind of love, this makes sense right? That love didn't just randomly happen, it's for a purpose and it gives you a reason to love, no?

Well where did that love come from? What is love even? The most powerful thing on earth, it's the energy of life itself, and I can say this knowingly because love transcends even death. It's not something that just stops being, there is no darkness great enough to swallow it, nothing strong enough to harness it. Love simply is.

Love is what gives us life.

And now I want you to think about this-do you deserve love?

Before answering, I have this to ask; have you ever sinned against love?

To even act selfishly at all is to act against love, for love is the very essence of selflessness.

No, we do not deserve love, because we sin against it everyday. But by some miracle, we still are here, for some reason love keeps loving us.

Think of how we defile it everyday, not convinced-take a look outside, watch the news, the world is no pretty place.

It's full of corruption and lies and getting worse all the time.

So why, are we still here?

Perhaps it's this realization that we don't deserve it, that it's the grace of love that keeps us here. Perhaps it's to realize that we are being saved, each and everyday from ourselves.

Perhaps it's to reach out to love and say thank you. And then to fall in love with this thing that keeps us here for that reason, to love us, when we finally open up our eyes and see the truth was there all along, patiently waiting for us to choose it.

Love cannot be forced, it has to be a gift and when it is given back to love it self, that is when you realize there is a reason for life, love is the answer. I may sound crazy for saying that, but it's true. Open your eyes, it's scary at first letting go, but when you do, all I can say is it's worth everything.

Monday, November 16, 2009


Screw everything else.

I need you now.

Life is so confusing sometimes.

Why does it have to be so scary outside sometimes?

Why does everything feel so unsure?

Why to do? Who to be?

All I want is You.

You know what, it's times like this where I feel homesick.

I feel like I don't really know where I am, or what I'm doing.

I'm tired, lost and confused.

I know I've got to keep moving but which foot do I put forward first?

Why is it always questions?

And so I look to You. I think of home.

And I ask the most important question of all, how is that possible? That home is someplace I've never been, and all I know is the truly the unknown?

I don't understand you, but that's what I love about you. I can't even begin to wrap my mind around who you are.

All I know, all I'm sure of it is that I love you.

And that is enough.

Thank You

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Nothing like it

Thank you for the rain.

I forgot how much I love it.

I thought I was done with cold weather, had finally turned true California girl...

Well that was all washed away with the amazing joy of the first rain drop that fell on my face.

There's just nothing like looking up into the sky while the rain falls down.

Nothing like the sound it makes as it falls, what even is that?

Nothing like the smell it brings, and leaves after.

Nothing like the air when it rains, you don't just breathe it in-you swallow it in.

It's a rush, yet a calm all at the same time.

Man, I tell you there are some things You have done with the earth that are just so beautiful it blows me away, like sunsets, the ocean, sound of running hoof beats, children laughing, smiles and rain. I had forgot how beautiful it is.

So thank You for bringing it today. :) Feel free to let it come anytime :)

Aren't you glad you now have my permission to bring winter? ;)

Haha this is just crazy. I love you so much basically! I can't wait to be with you! Being outside today on that hike in the morning, coming to the top of the hill and looking out at the sky, just wow.

Home is going to be insane. That's all I can say. :) I'll let the smile take over the rest.

"When you're happy like a fool
Let it take you over
When everything is out
You gotta take it in"

Thursday, November 5, 2009

This is love

You see colors you never knew existed.

You feel like you're walking on air.

You can see the good in the world.

You live for laughter.

And most importantly you always have that goofy smile smeared all over your endlessly happy face.

This is the picture of being in love.

I've been in love like crazy since I realized that I'm living off of a miracle.

This little thing called love is really quite large after all, it's what makes the world go round

When I finally looked up and saw that all of life is miraculous, saw the point of life; to love and be in love.

It's a beautiful thing-being in love with love itself.

It hit me at church in a big way last Sunday, the sermon was over and we were singing praises to God, when I thought, what would this be like in Heaven-like singing right to Him, seeing Him there. When I realized that He is there, He is here, right next to us, inside us.

I know we're taught this as a basic principle as Christians, but sometime, really think about it-He is here with you right now.

Just take it in.

Then all became clear to me-if He's really there, right there, you're going to be so in awe of His love for you that you'll simply have no other choice that to live for Him!! All the confusion of what exact rules you have to obey, which parts of the Bible to listen to, what choices to make in your would all be clear with Him there, wouldn't it?

There could be no room for sin or confusion, because He is the truth and light.

It's opened my eyes, and as cheesy as it sounds, it's opened up a whole new world for me.

I stood there in church singing as this huge silly smile came over my face, you know the one of being perfectly happily in love?

And I felt God smile down at me too.

This is joy. This is love.

It's right there reaching out to you all you have to do is open your eyes.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009


Such a dark word.

What is death? That moment that your heart just stops beating? Is that all?

Why is it so tragic? Why the loss so great?

Is it that we really miss the heart beating? The muscles working to pick up the body and move from place to place?

Is it the speech, or the words?

Is it the body, or the person beneath?

And just how much are the two one whole?

It seems that it's really the body is really only a house that the spirit of the person lives in.

It's a transportation device taking the spirit from place to place.

They say the eyes are the window to the soul.

When you look into someones eye's you know. Yes, there's something more.

More than skin, more than bones. It's who they are.

You loved speaking with them?

Their laugh.

The way they made you feel.

You loved the look in their eyes when they were happy.

How can you tell me that that spirit dies. Tell me that's it's dead.

No, the body is merely gone. The spirit is something eternal.

One look into those eyes and you know.

Who they are, they love that they share will never die.

The question is-where does it go?

If it isn't here anymore, where?

There are theories.



Which one to choose?

I propose love.

Because it is the only thing that can overcome death.

The love someone has can never die, though their body is gone, the love will always be alive and with you.

“You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.”-C.S. Lewis